Hi, thanks for coming, you’re a true friend.
Oh, I’m over here, under the bed. Yes, under the bed. Because I’m scared, not because I’ve developed a sudden fondness for dust bunnies, for crying out loud.
It’s the end of the world, it has to be. Well, there are earthquakes in Oklahoma, for one thing. The song talks about the wind sweepin’ down the plain, it says nothing about earthquakes shakin’ up your brain.
Want more? Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are running for president, and one of them will win. If that isn’t a catastrophe waiting to happen, I don’t know what is.
And Oklahoma State won a national championship. No, not in wrestling or cross country or equestrian, but in football. OK, so it was for the 1945 season, but it is a national championship nonetheless.
But the final piece to the whole armageddon inducing, end of the world as we know it sparking, bend over and kiss your backside goodbye scenario? The Chicago Cubs jerseys won the World Series.
The Cubs jerseys! This year no billy goat, no Bartman and no black cat could keep the Cubs jerseys from winning their first World Series championship in 108 years. One hundred and eight years! That’s longer than “60 Minutes” has been on the air.
I guess we should have seen it coming. After all, they hired Theo “Evil Baseball Genius” Epstein as their president of baseball operations several years ago. After he threatened the safety of mankind by breaking the Boston Red Sox jerseys World Series drought, he worked in his secret laboratory deep in the bowels of Wrigley Field, building the team piece by piece a little pitching here, a little defense there, a pinch of cheap Anthony Rizzo jersey and a dash of cheap Jake Arrieta jersey, and voila, a full scale Frankenstein monster.
The Cubs jerseys won 103 games this season, which is a lot, and ran away with the National League Central. They won the divisional series, then beat the Dodgers jerseys in the National League Championship Series to get to the World Series for the first time in 71 years, and I began to get worried.
Then it seems all was right with the world again, as the Cleveland Indians jerseys took a 3 1 lead. I thought humanity would be safe for another year, at least, but then the unthinkable happened.
The Cubs jerseys won Game 5 to force the Series back to Cleveland. cheap mlb jerseys for sale Then they won Game 6, 9 3 to force a decisive Game 7, and that’s when I started stocking the bunker with food and water.
They jumped out on top in Game 7, building a 6 3 lead going into the bottom of the eighth. All seemed lost for mankind, but then Cleveland’scheap Rajai Davis jersey hit a three run homer to tie the game and it looked like the Fuzzy Cubbies’ many fans were going to have their hearts broken yet again.
But then it rained. With the score still tied after nine innings, the rains came. Some say it was the tears of Cubbie fans who have gone on to their eternal reward lamenting yet another Cub choke. I say Harry Caray spilled his beer. At any rate, outfielder Jays jerseyson Heyward made an impassioned speech during the delay, reminding the Cubs jerseys just how good they are.
They got two runs in the top of the 10th, then in the bottom of the frame the Indians jerseys scored a run and had a man on with two outs, the winning run at the plate in the form of Cleveland’s cheap Michael Martinez jersey.
But reliever cheap Mike Montgomery jersey got Martinez to ground to cheap Kris Bryant jersey at third. Bryant broke into a big grin as he fielded the ball, but the Cubs jerseys’ faithful weren’t smiling until the ball settled into Rizzo’s glove at first and the umpire signaled the final out, then the world went crazy.